Self-care is like the Beyoncé of trending topics these days. It’s everywhere! As a therapist, I’ve noticed that the concept of self-care really resonates with my clients as the “quick fix to all that we carry,” and they have often expressed being curious about what self-care looks like for me. I wonder though if they feel like I have a golden secret- after all, as a therapist, I have all the methods to unlock human beings with my superpowers! Let’s face it, who wouldn’t want a magic potion that could cure everything from the Monday-to-Friday blues to the Sunday scaries?
Well, I hate to burst your bubble but there is no such hack. I know, I know, it’s like telling kids that Santa Claus isn’t real. Don’t worry though! My self-care journey is just as messy and confusing as everyone else’s. I’ve had to figure out what works for me through trial and error. And let me tell you, it was more like “trial and terror” at first!
Ignorance is (not) bliss
In the beginning, my self-care was all about ignoring and avoiding any impact that my work would have on me. I would find myself taking back to back sessions, relentlessly making notes, and reading different kinds of information to help my clients. If you saw me in my sessions, I would be the one with the always-calm-and-composed professional face.
Adding to this was the fact that I had never witnessed anyone around me truly at ease. My parents, friends, or even colleagues always seemed to be constantly on the go. So to me, this is how life was- rushing from one thing to another, never truly taking the time to slow down intentionally or take a pause.
As this went on, I found myself feeling fatigued, and not being able to read about therapy anymore. I also started finding it difficult to concentrate in sessions beyond half an hour.
To a person who was supposed to be perfect and always ready to listen, this was quite a nerve wracking experience. I felt terrible and started beating myself up for being “lazy”, and careless.
So there I was, frantic and scared that I’m already losing my skills and questioning my career choice. Suspecting that something may be wrong, my supervisor (or my work therapist, as I like to call them) asked me how I’m doing. I sat with them to discuss my feelings of overwhelm and fatigue, and they encouraged me to explore how my sessions had been impacting me.
Who would have thought that being a therapist could take such a toll on the person? It’s almost comical how they don’t prepare you for the human side of the job during training.
After speaking to my supervisor, I felt a great sense of relief- almost as if a dam had burst open. I knew at this point that I had to really find a way to manage my emotions and behaviors, and take care of myself, I could not keep going this way.
Self-care pitfalls
As a self-care beginner, I started with exploring all the usual options. I took out the time for the activities that I enjoyed doing, which slowly progressed into me taking up therapy for myself. I also became much more regular in therapy and discovered how helpful it was to work on my thoughts and feelings and express my inner world in a safe space.
A few weeks into it, I had already started feeling much better! I thought to myself how amazing this was and actually much simpler than what I had imagined it to be!
However, I started to notice that every few months I was back in the same rut of feeling distracted, low on energy, and having trouble being present for my clients. It was like a game of whack-a-mole. I’d hit one self-care activity on the head, and another problem would pop up. It was frustrating, to say the least. What kind of witchcraft was this?!
That’s when I realized that self-care isn’t just about doing things that make you feel good. It’s about figuring out what’s holding you back and dealing with those issues head-on.
Solving the puzzle
I decided to make my self-care journey a self care mission. I doubled down on introspecting in my personal therapy and my supervision. It was tough, especially in the initial stages. It was like going on a treasure hunt, but instead of gold, I found a bunch of repressed feelings that were buried deep inside.
Over time, I realized that I had only taken care of my immediate needs. Hence, the results were also short term. I guess I was carrying all the feelings along with my clients in the sessions but I never gave them the space to come out. Since my clients’ feelings held a personal meaning for me, they had started to weigh on me.
So, I decided to take two afternoons a week to journal and cry my eyes out. Let me tell you, it was like the Olympics of emotions, each one competing to surface first. But it certainly helped me understand my own feelings better, and it made me a better therapist for my clients.
At this point, I also began to see everything I carried with me outside the therapy room, and how I was being a therapist even in my personal life! This had not struck me as unusual because it was so second nature to me- being empathetic, a good listener, and available 24/7 for all my friends and family. Sure, it was a great way to build relationships, but it also took up a lot of space in my heart and mind that I was unable to feel light and relaxed.
Making self-care a lifestyle
As I went through my self-care journey, I started to notice small changes within myself. I started to draw boundaries with my clients, with my friends and my family. I felt terrible and very guilty in the beginning. However, I made sure that I was communicating my feelings with them, and over time, they started to understand me. They were respectful of my space, especially when I could not take the load or required some extra time for myself.
And guess what? It worked like magic! The need to continuously engage myself with work, food or shopping, reduced automatically. The cravings for distractions or quick dopamine hits reduced drastically. My quick and mindless fixes turned into mindful and intentional choices.
It has taken a year but here I am more comfortable with self-care than ever. And the benefits? I don’t feel like I am living on borrowed time anymore, and my energy levels have significantly spiked!
Just a few more tips for you all before I sign off. If you don’t have a self-care routine, reflect on whether you may be neglecting the care and attention that you deserve. If you find yourself feeling depleted repeatedly, it may be time to think about what caring feels like to you and work on incorporating a sustainable care approach, rather than seeking out fleeting dopamine highs.
Think of self-care like a pair of shoes – finding the right fit is crucial. Neglecting self-care is like cramming your feet into shoes that are too small – it’s uncomfortable and painful, and can only be used in the short run. But when you find the perfect fit, it’s like slipping into the comfiest shoes you own and dancing the night away! It’s important that we don’t let self-care become a passing trend or fad – make it a permanent fixture in your life and watch as you become more centered and fulfilled than ever before.